That Makes Me Sad

I was trying to prepare my own lunch today after having fed the girls. A busied herself with the little white board on our fridge. She was drawing up a storm, punctuating each creation with, "Look, Mom!" After about a dozen interruptions to admire her doodles, I finally said, "Babe, I can't look at every drawing, I'm trying to make my lunch." To which, she replied very matter-of-factly, "That makes me sad. I'm not going to draw anymore. I'm just going to go away." Of course, I felt like a total heel! I tried to back peddle a bit while she erased her last drawing, explaining that her drawings are lovely and I look as often as I can, but mommy needs a turn to eat lunch, too. She erased her drawing (so we could not enjoy it without her) and went to her room and closed the door. She wasn't ugly or overly dramatic about it (surprise, surprise), just not going to perform without an audience.

I have to admit that while I felt like an absolute schmuck because I hurt her feelings, I was a little grateful for the few minutes of silence. Lately, the playlist of my life has been stuck on repeat: "Watch this, Mommy! Watch this, Mommy! Watch this, watch this, watch this, Mommy!" I really cannot watch every time, nor do I want to. J was a little scared when he came home Friday night to find me in the midst of a breakdown, singing and dancing to my own little made-up "Watch this, Mommy!" song.

Fortunately, on both occasions, he swooped in to be the knight in shining armor for both of us. He took her to run errands Friday evening, giving me time to regain my sanity. And at lunch today, he went to her room and talked about how beautiful her pictures are even if no one sees them. I don't know if she bought it or not, but she eventually came out and announced, "I forgive you, Mommy." I apologized again for making her sad and she assured me, "That's okay, Mommy." Oh good, reconciliation. Then as she walked away, "Just don't let it happen again." Not making any promises on that one.