What I Learned This Summer

I don't ever remember having to write a report about what I learned during the summer.  Maybe that's just in the movies.  You get my first attempt.

Around late spring/early summer, I was really discouraged with my kids' behavior.  It seemed all three were pushing my buttons and boundaries.  None of them were obeying the way I thought they should and I could not be consistent enough to get the results I wanted.

I turned to the all-knowing google.  Surely someone out there has had the same problem and will have the magic trick that I can put into practice and smooth out all the bumps in this rocky road.  I know, it sounds ridiculous to me too.  But I bet I'm not the only one who's done it.

One of the first hits was this article by Sally Clarkson.  It isn't a new article, but it was new to me.  It really made me think.  And do a parenting overhaul.

Somewhere along the way, I had adopted the first-time obedience mandate as biblical.  I didn't even think about it.  I didn't subject it to scripture.  I didn't pray about it.  The authors of the parenting books I read told me God wanted my children to obey right away, all the way, with a happy heart.  And if I consistently disciplined them, they would.  If they didn't, I was doing something wrong and I was endangering their souls.  I couldn't do it.  They didn't do it.  We were all horrible at it.  No wonder I was discouraged!

So the first thing I learned this summer was that I need to be much more careful about what I allow into my mind and into my parenting toolbox.  Sally's article reminded me that God's word is the best authority on parenting and I can take all of my frustrations to the real all-knowing Source who has power to actually help with my individual problem.  I knew this in my head, but I obviously had not practiced it.  I was shocked at myself and have tried to scrutinize my parenting to see what is biblical and what is manmade.  

I have also traded in parenting books for child development books.  I was referred to this series by Louise Bates Ames by three different sources in about two weeks, so I checked them out from my library.  Very refreshing and encouraging to read about characteristic behaviors at these ages and know that the thing I am battling really is "just a phase" and will likely subside in a few months or at least be easier to address.  

Sally's article also reminded me that righteousness is a life-long journey.  Talking it over with a dear friend, I said out loud what I couldn't seem to put into practice...if I can't get it right, why in the world would I expect my kids to?  It's time to surrender my unrealistic expectation that they will be "done" when they leave my nest.  God's plan for them may be to smooth out that rough edge through their spouse, an employer, a college roommate, their own children.  His is a process of sanctification, not a moment of completeness.  Parenting really is a marathon, and I probably will not witness my children cross the finish line.  They will still be running the good race after I am long gone.  This is so encouraging to me.  What a relief!  

God pricked my soul with a recent daily scripture reading.  I came across 1 John 4:18, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."  I'm still working out how this applies to my parenting.  But I'm very grateful that God is perfecting me in love and not fear.  

Please go read the article.  Pray about it.  Subject it to scripture.  Tell me what you think.  And tell me, what did you learn this summer?