I Don't Care Who You Are...

....that's cute!

Z has entered the Pixar phase.  He is into all things Buzz, McQueen and Nemo.  We've had these costumes in our dress-up box for a long time and he was smitten when he saw them.  He likes to stand on the ottoman with arms above his head and yell "oo 'finity 'nd 'yond!" before diving onto the couch.

You like that toddler-ese?  How is it they communicate so well without using the first letter of any word?  All the better to hypnotize us with cuteness.

Our Week

I was so happy that the fever virus that had been plaguing C decided to give up on Sunday night.  This meant we could give the green light to our friends who had been planning to visit from out of state.  How cool is it that we're still friends with J's college roommate and his family?!  I'm always impressed when friendships survive different seasons of life, different countries, and different milestones.  

We were able to hang out and visit Monday evening, then spent the day downtown eating good tex-mex and visiting the children's museum.  They had to leave on Wednesday, but not before making us some yummy pancakes and waxing philosophical about gender equality as expressed in the manufacture of legos.  Good times.

Yesterday was a blur of trying to catch up on schoolwork missed, laundry unfolded and toys scattered.  Today we got to participate in the egg hunt at a local nursing home where we volunteer.  Tomorrow we dye eggs with the cousins, then Sunday we'll have lunch and an egg hunt after church.  Full days, full hearts.  Tired mama.  Good night!

Thanks, Friends

You guys are so encouraging!  I have received several emails about my last post on battling fear.  Let me just assure you that these fears are not crippling, nor do they consume more than a smidge of my brain activity.  And as usual, just talking about it helps so much.  I knew I wasn't the only one who struggled with living free of fear.  Here are some comments you've shared...

"I share your fears.  They can be consuming.  Praying with you about letting go."

"Memorizing HIS word and repeating it as I feel the fear trying to crawl in, helps me to hold on to HIM and experience HIS peace. "

"Do I trust God to provide if we can't?  Do I trust God to bring beauty from the ashes of the death of a loved one or an unspeakable tragedy?  Yes.  It will be hard to go through, but God has proven He is big and trustworthy.  Should I be cautious, yeah, that's being wise.  Should I fear that someone might shoot my child on the sidewalk?  I'd hate that profoundly, but I have to trust God and let him protect my children or take them home."

"1John 4:18-- There is no fear in love but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears punishment has not been perfected in love. "

Thanks for letting me think out loud about this.  And thanks for being so encouraging!  I am blessed more than I could ask or imagine with an amazing community of friends and family to work out our faith alongside each other.

Fear

Ever since the shooting in Connecticut, I've had a resurgence of fear interrupting my thoughts.  Anybody else?  Something about the absolute randomness of violent crime wreaks havoc on my mommy brain.  And it seems like there's been an uptick in stories about babies dying, mamas with cancer, tragic teen accidents....?!  More of the kind of stuff you have no control over and can happen to anyone.  I'm not wishing folks would keep their hurts quiet.  I think maybe I'm just more sensitive to it right now.  I don't know.

I thought I had this whole fear thing whipped.  I even told my own dad as much just a couple of months ago.  It's been a big spiritual battle for me for as long as I can remember.  Taking those thoughts captive.  You know, the ones that start with something insignificant and take off like a runaway train for the worst case scenario that has you in tears within seconds.  "God, take those captive and make them obedient to your truth.  You are not a God of fear, but of love, peace and a sound mind.  You love me and I can trust you to be good all the time. "  Years of repeating that prayer every time the fear came and saying it until the fear passed.   I had finally gotten to the point where I didn't have to check my closets and under the beds every time my husband traveled.  Don't laugh...you know you do it too.

What happened in Connecticut was evil, and I think it was a tool of our enemy.  Not only will that town never be the same, but fear snuck into the hearts of millions, and fear confuses us about God and His love for us.

And it's not just tragedy or random violence that I think I fear.  If we got down to the nitty gritty, there's other big stuff I fear.  What if I screw up my kids?  What if I fail to say that thing that would prepare them and they get hurt? What if I'm the one who scars their heart with my words? What if I pass all my fears on to them?  What if I find my identity in my kids and forget who I am?  Am I doing all that God wants me to be doing?  Could I do more/differently to further His kingdom?  Am I letting Him down?

Then Ann Voskamp said it better, "How long will I have Mama and are we supposed to live our lives here or up and move there and how do you best pour out your one wild life and couldn’t we make room for just one more child and what if I’ve missed the boat and what if we bury children, mess them up, get sick on them and the dreams all blow away like papery ash and what if my heart gets shattered and what if that is what makes me whole and how do you make your singular life work best?"

It's always encouraging to know you're not the only one swimming in whatever mess you've made for yourself.  And then she said this, "What if not fearing was the giant secret of really living?"

Whoa.  What if not fearing was the giant secret of really living?  What if the thing that keeps me from the abundant life God promises is fear?  What if this fear battle is way bigger than what's in my closet?  Fear of losing control, fear of not measuring up, fear of failing, fear of disappointing, fear of living like God's promises are true.  What does that even look like...not fearing?!  

I don't have anything else to write on this topic--yet.  I'm trying to think of something profound to say, but I just keep re-reading the possibility of not fearing and it really leaves me quite flabbergasted.  I've got to chew on some truth and let it nourish my soul.  Let it bind up all those fears and set me free.  Please share if you have some go-to truth that shatters your fears and helps you really live.  

P.S. - So much for short posts, huh?

Dropping Like Flies

So that little virus Z has?  I think I got the short-lived part (hopefully), but we're dropping like flies around here.  C was up last night, then ran high fevers this afternoon.  It finally occurred to us that J's "allergy" symptoms sounded similar to the girls' complaints all week....headache, sore throat, and feeling run-down.  He might be the next to fall.

Fortunately, Z is perking up and his symptoms are slowing down.  Maybe it's a weird mix of a couple or three things?  I'm baffled.  And quite frankly, sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Having sick little ones though always make me count my blessings.  I have great access to good medicine, good doctors and good information.  I have family and friends who can help if the need arises.  And Netflix just released the third season of My Little Pony, so a screen marathon really couldn't have come at a better time.  (No lie...A did her own personal happy dance when she realized there were new episodes.  It was a little funny and a little scary.)

Praying we all hold steady or improve through the night.

Today

I confess that I cannot achieve the level of blog posts I aspire to.  Every time I want to sit down to write, my brain begs for downtime if no one else is begging for a piece of me.  But I'd still like to blog.  So I'm taking a cue from Missy over It's Almost Naptime and attempting shorter posts.  (I don't know Missy, but I'd like to.  And I'm not even going to pretend that my plate runneth over like hers does right now.)

Today, A went to her one-day enrichment co-op that we like to call "Wednesday school."  She has classes in art, Spanish, P.E., drama, character building, and music.  It's good exposure to classroom behavior and learning from someone other than mom.

While she's away, I try to have some preschool time at the house, though it is so hard to resist plugging them into a screen so I can accomplish something that appears more productive.  We compromised today.  I de-cluttered the living room while they scattered rice in my kitchen.

When A got home, we turned right around for our first return-to-gymnastics class.  The girls really enjoyed gymnastics last spring, but we chose to drop when money got tight.  When we got the wiggle room in the budget again, the girls were eager to go back.  C couldn't stop hopping through the whole class.  She stayed where she was supposed to and got nice comments about good listening, but she was so excited she could not be still.

Z's got a little tummy bug that made last night interesting.  I'm praying it's short-lived and contained to one host.

That's us.  How are you?