Goodbyes

Today we said goodbye to Peter Mr. Beta Fish.  It became apparent yesterday morning that he was not long for this world when I saw him just lying on the rocks at the bottom of his bowl using all of his energy to gulp big breaths.  I prepared A by letting her know that Peter didn't look well, that he might be sick.  She thought he probably just needed a break.  By late afternoon, I knew he was gone.  She kept coming back to check and see if he had moved.  This morning, she noted that he hadn't moved all night long.

So after naps today we discussed funeral plans.  She suggested putting him in the trash; I countered with flushing him to the ocean.  Really, I knew that we wanted to do a little burial.  As hard as it would be to talk it through, I knew it was a good opportunity to introduce death and temporary goodbyes.  J agreed, so we talked about Peter's body being empty now and how he was with Jesus in heaven (I know...we bent the theology a bit to make it applicable.  I figure we can straighten that out later.)  She colored a pretty picture and wrote "Peter" on it.  Daddy folded it into a little box and we tromped outside in the drizzle to lay Peter to rest.

It wasn't until Daddy was covering the hole that the tears came.  "But what about Peter?!" she bawled.  I immediately followed suit.  It's not the goodbye to the fish that got to me, but the goodbye to a little bit of her innocence.  This was a baby step into the harsh reality that the world is not all fairies, rainbows and ballerinas.  I was so sad to see her sadness.  I am glad that we persevered and took the opportunity to have a tough conversation.  And I don't think she'll be upset for very long.  She was asking for a new fish before we made it back inside.