Marching Orders

My husband came home a couple of months ago and introduced the idea that the business he's been working on with three of our friends might someday need to move to Austin.  "Just want you to keep that on your radar," he said.  "Maybe by next spring," he said.

I've known this man for almost 18 years.  I've learned to filter out remote possibilities and not freak out until he's really ready to pull the trigger.  Fast forward to the beginning of July when he comes home and says, "We need to move by the end of the summer."  Time to FREAK OUT!

By the end of that conversation, he had softened the blow to moving sometime this fall because his wife just kept stammering, "That is not possible.  You realize that is not humanly possible."  I may not have been the best cheerleader for my husband that night.  Sorry, babe.

It's taken me so long to write this post, that most of you know by now that we are moving and hope to be settled in our new home and office location by the beginning of October.  That's in two months! While I'm excited about going back to the area and people we left three years ago, this has definitely been an abrupt interruption of my little world.  I have frequently been reminded that "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. (Prov 19:21)"

I had plans for kindergarten all laid out and set up in my dining room...never mind.  I had plans for a great co-op for A this fall...not to be.  I have relationships that seem like they are just starting to normalize....shake 'em up.

On the other side of this is snoball.com.  I'm super excited about the momentum this idea has!  If you haven't gone and explored the site, please take a few minutes to do that.  This thing is going to be big and you'll want to say you were there in the beginning.  The four men behind the idea are incredibly talented and smart.  They have investors chomping at the bit to get in on the action.  The only thing holding them back is their own physical limit for working....they need more manpower.  Which is the main reason for the move.  They've been unable to find local developers who are ready to hit the ground running and they can't convince any to move here.  So J will be focused on finding a new office and hiring a small army in the next few months.

In my panicked, overwhelmed-with-all-the-details moments, I ask the impertinent question, "Why, God?" He has been gracious, merciful and loving in His abundant way and provided me with an answer.  Back when I was reading this book, I prayed for an adventure.  I asked God what adventure He had for J and I to go on for His glory and our good.  And I prayed that He would show me where I fit in His eternal agenda and how I could glorify Him with what He had blessed me with.  As Bill Engvall would say,....here's yer sign.  "You asked for it, Sarah; here ya go...one adventure for the kingdom coming up.  Will you win the battles for My glory? Or will you whine and whimper in the foxholes?"

Can I just say how amazing it is to link back to so many posts over the last year that chronicle God's hand in preparing me for this?  What a mighty God we serve!

So here we go.  Back to back, tools and weapons ready, into the fray of a grand adventure.  Wherever it leads, may it strengthen our marriage, grow our children's faith and bring glory to God, the King of Kings and Lord of Hosts.

Happy Father's Day!

We were a little preoccupied on the actual Father's Day, so I asked J to give me an extra week to coordinate a weekend of celebrating what a great man he is to our family.  He was happy to oblige, because he's a great man.

So Friday afternoon, we used our kidsbowlfree.com coupons to all go bowling.  If you haven't signed your kids up for this yet, you really should.  Every kid in your family under 12 gets 2 free games of bowling every weekday for the whole summer.  We signed up for the family pass on top of that and both of the grown-ups get 2 free games every day for the summer for the cost of one game.  (You still have to pay for shoes, which was $12 for the family at our local place.)  The girls had a blast!  They had a special ramp that you could push up to the foul line and let them push their ball down the ramp toward the pins.  It was perfect for C.  And A really enjoyed seeing "real" bowling instead of Wii bowling.  Z was a trooper and slept through almost all of it.

Saturday morning, the girls gave cards they had made to Daddy and we decorated with a banner and some balloons.  We made a pie that Daddy had raved about and had it for dessert at lunch.

For my gift to J, I had planned a surprise date.  One of our neighbors was kind enough to come watch all three kids and I tried to orchestrate the afternoon so that I could feed Z, run out the door, and be back in time for his next feeding.  J has been trying to get me to the gun range for a long time and I knew it would mean a lot to him if I finally caved and went.  I thought we would go to a nearby indoor range, so I arranged babysitting for middle of the afternoon.  Alas, I heard through the grapevine that the nearest range is no fun; we would have to go a little further out of town to what I learned was an outdoor range. This is how I say "I LOVE YOU!"

That's me, shooting a gun, outside, at 5:30 pm in the blazing heat.  (You can be doubly sure it's me 'cause I'm wearing a hat.)  File it away, because you won't see that again ever anytime soon.  I think J had a good time teaching me some really basic gun safety and introducing me to his latest hobby.  It was good to enter his world and see what fun looks like for him.  I have to admit, though, that I was surprised by my reaction to shooting.  It made me cry.  No kidding.  Granted I'm a postpartum hormonal mess, but I still wasn't expecting to tear up when I pulled the trigger. And no, it wasn't a happy cry.  Something very powerful about firing a gun.  I don't like the idea of being responsible for that action.  I don't want that kind of power in my hands.  But if we're going to have one in the house, I am at least grateful to know how to hold it and how to make it work if I need it. I can honestly say I'm not scared of it anymore, but I'm nowhere near comfortable with it.

We made it back home in time to feed the kids and get them in bed before a long night with a newborn.  Happy Father's Day, J!  I wish every kid had a dad like you who would play rough, talk soft, stand firm, and be crazy like you do with our kids.  You make me a better mommy and I thank our God for bringing us together and blessing us with three special kids who bring out the best in you.  I love you!

Enough About Me

I have been very neglectful of late to talk about my amazing husband.  While I've been whining about the woes of pregnancy, he has been laboring on the birth of an exciting new brainchild of his start-up company, Collective Labs.  They launched snoball.co at the beginning of this week to rave reviews at a technology conference in New York.  Of course, he did not go with his partners to said conference because it was in New York and his very pregnant wife was not.  He stayed behind to babysit servers and sit in the quiet office watching a live stream of the conference.  If you know J at all, you know that he lights up at those conferences, rubbing elbows with other techies and comparing notes on the best way to do things.  It is no small thing that he stayed home with me.  Thank you, babe.

So what is snoball?  I've been asked this several times and the best way I can explain it is to say that it is a social giving site.  You can create "rules" for giving to your favorite charity and snoball will manage the giving for you.  For example, I could create a rule that says, "Every time I eat at xyz restaurant, donate $1.00 to the local crisis pregnancy center."  I can link to my facebook and twitter accounts, so my friends can see my rules and join the giving, too.  Rules can be based on anything....personal spending habits, sports scores, places you go, etc.  If you go to the site and watch the video, it explains it much better than I can.

To be honest, the whole thing totally overwhelms me.  When I think about all the contingencies that go into creating the rules, it makes my head spin.  But it's an incredible testament to the genius of my husband and the guys he is blessed to worked with.

Next month, they pitch another genius idea, blinksend.com, at yet another conference.  This is a web-based document management tool that also overwhelms me because of its scope.  But so many people who hear about it are so excited about it, that I know they're on to something.

Owning your own business is a scary endeavor, but it's an exciting kind of scary, like a roller coaster that makes you want to lose your lunch but that you can't resist getting in line for again.  J is loving every minute of it and that smooths the ride for me.  I love that he loves his job and can't wait to see what's around the next curve.

Hint, hint

SimpleMom had a great post today about frugal Valentine's day gift ideas.  Just thought I'd throw that out there in case any one needs some suggestions.  I like #1, 3 and 5 myself, but that's just me, thinking out loud...nothing specific or anything.

All Clear

I think we are safely out of the stomach bug war zone.  We sheltered in place all day Saturday and Sunday, hoping that we would contain any fallout if the rest of us were going to get sick.  So far, so good.  And praise God for that because we were getting a smidge stir crazy.

I failed to mention in my previous post how thankful I am for the heroic captain God has posted at the head of our family.  J was so awesome that night.  He came home immediately when I texted him with the crisis.  As soon as he got home, he checked on our little sickie then came to scrub the carpet with me.  He was up bringing fresh supplies every time I got up with A for the rest of the night, always compassionate and gentle.  He did all the grunt work the next day to get that bunk bed really clean, not to mention the disgusting nightmare it took to get the tub clean.  He really was our hero!

I failed to blog in a timely manner that we just celebrated our 13th anniversary at the end of December.  I'm so, so, so grateful to serve in the trenches of parenthood by your side, J.  You make it all bearable, even joyful.  I cannot fathom doing life with anyone else.  God knit us together in His perfect plan and I pray He continues to conform us more to His image every year we are together.  Love you more than much.

Final Thoughts

Another genius nugget from Love & War by John & Stasi Eldrege:

"We are broken people, with a famished craving in our hearts. We are fallen, all of us. It happened so long ago, back in the Garden of Eden, so early in our story that most of us don't even realize it happened. But the effects of the Fall are something we live with every day, and it would be best for both of you if you understood what it has done to the soul of a man and a woman.

Every woman now has an insatiable need for relationship, one that can never be filled. It is an ache in her soul designed to drive her to God. Men instinctively know that the bottomless well is there, and pull back. I don't want to be engulfed by that. Besides, no matter how much I offer, it'll never be enough. This is Eve's sorrow. This is the break in her cup. She aches for intimacy, to be known, loved, and chosen. And it also explains her deepest fear--abandonment.

Men face a different sort of emptiness. We are forever frustrated in our ability to conquer life. That's the 'sweat of your brow...thorns and thistles' thing. A man aches for affirmation, for validation, to know that he has come through. This also explains his deepest fear--failure."

I really enjoy reading books by the Eldreges. I've never thought of myself as a stereotypical woman (who does?), but their insights always seem to hit home and shed light on parts of my soul that I didn't understand. And they do it in a very friendly, loving way, weaving their own marriage story into the chapters to illustrate the heart of the matter.

If you have time to read the book, I certainly recommend it and not just because they sent me a free copy. Actually, I'm supposed to disclose that this book was provided for review by WaterBrook Multnomah. And click over here if you would like more info on the book. It would make a great gift for nearly/newly marrieds or for a 50th wedding anniversary. Every stage of marriage could benefit from the hope and enthusiasm imparted in these words.

"You see, somewhere along the way we all lose heart in marriage. We all do. It happens to the best of us. We might find a way to manage our disappointment and we might do our best to fight off resignation, but it works its way in. We let go of what we wanted, what we dreamed of, what were created for. We begin to settle.

Because marriage is hard, sometimes painfully hard, your first Great Battle is not to lose heart. That begins with recovering desire--the desire for the love that is written on your heart. Let desire return. Let it remind you of all that you wanted, all that you were created for.

And then consider this--what if God could bring you your heart's desire? It's not too late. It isn't too hard. You are not too far along nor are you and your spouse too set in your ways. God is the God of all hope. He is, after all, the God of the Resurrection. Nothing is impossible for him. So give your heart's desire some room to breathe.

What if the two of you could find your way to something beautiful?

That would be worth fighting for."

Learning to Love

"And what does learning to love look like? Well, for one thing, it looks like compassion for your spouse's brokenness while choosing to turn from your own self-protective style of relating.

We must come to face our style, of course. As men, we look to where we are passive, and where we are domineering, harsh, or violent. As women, we face where we are controlling, and where we are desperately clingy. And as God reveals these things, we make those thousand little choices to turn from our style of relating. We make deliberate choices to love. If you have been avoiding conflict, either as a passive man or a controlling woman, then you say: 'Conflict is okay. Let's talk about these things. I'll go there with you.' If you have been avoiding intimacy, then you say: 'I need you. I don't want to be this island, this impenetrable fortress. I choose to engage.' If you have been controlling, then let go of control. If you've been hiding, then come out of hiding. If you have been filled with anger, then set aside your anger and choose to be vulnerable."

From Love & War by John & Stasi Eldrege

Our Way

"We all have a way that we do life. We might call it our personality, or our natural bent--the way we handle pressure, the way we listen, the way we look for happiness, the way we control our world. We didn't sit down one day and willfully choose to adopt it but it remains a choice nonetheless. Call it our style of relating. It is a carefully crafted approach to life--especially in relationships--that colors the way we work, the way we love, the way we respond, and the way we simply have a conversation with people. This can be quite an epiphany--you have a style of relating designed to make life work for you!

Our style of relating is born out of brokenness and sin, and it is the Number One Thing that gets in the way of real love and real companionship, the shared adventure and all the beauty of marriage. It is really this simple. The number one thing that gets in the way is your way. I don't mean insisting on getting your way--dimming the lights or finding a better parking spot. I mean your way of going about life, your style of relating.

We are, all of us, utterly committed and deeply devoted to our 'style,' our 'way,' our 'approach to life.' We have absolutely no intention of giving it up. Not even for love. So God creates an environment where we have to. It's called marriage."

From Love & War by John & Stasi Eldrege

An Enormous Honor

"You have been entrusted with the heart of another human being. Whatever else your life's great mission will entail, loving and defending this heart next to you is part of your great quest. Marriage is the privilege and honor of living as close to the heart as two people can get. No one else in all the world has the opportunity to know each other more intimately than do a husband and wife. We are invited into their secret lives, their truest selves; we come to know their nuances, their particular tastes, what they think is funny, what drives them crazy. We are entrusted with their hopes and dreams, their wounds, and their fears....

Without you, your spouse will not become the man or the woman that God intends him or her to be and the Kingdom of God will not advance as it is meant to advance. Your spouse plays the most vital role in your life. You play the most critical role in your spouse's life. No one will have a greater impact on your spouse's soul than you. No one has greater access to your spouse's heart than you. This is an enormous honor.

Pause a moment; take a deep breath. Let that reality sink in a little deeper--you are the human being who plays the most significant role in your spouse's life. It is not your spouse's mother or father. It is not your spouse's favorite teacher, author or pastor. It is you. It is a sobering truth, isn't it. You are on holy ground. You matter more than you thought."

From Love & War by John & Stasi Eldrege

Love & War

J and I are pretty good about consulting each other before committing to any thing, but he snuck one in on me last month. He's on a newsletter list for a publisher and receives invitations every now and then to write reviews for books on his blog. We're fans of John Eldrege, so when his new book came up among the invitations, J signed both of us up for it. It arrived about 3 weeks ago, and the instructions asked us to read the book and post our review during the week before Valentine's. Sure, I can read a 200+ page book in my copious amounts of free time during the next 3 weeks.

If I wasn't already an enthusiastic fan, I would have "forgotten." But we finally read Wild at Heart last fall and both found it to be an insightful look into men's hearts. Then my sister encouraged me to get a copy of the companion book, Captivating, co-authored by Eldrege and his wife, Stasi. I'm only a few chapters into that one, but it seems to be a welcome, refreshing look at God's heart for women. So I was pretty excited to see that the Eldreges have put together a book on marriage, Love & War. Their writing style is so natural, conversational, easy to read. I really do wish I had a few days uninterrupted to pore over the book, mark it up with my notes and process the light-bulb moments.

I'm about half-way through the book now, and have this week to finish it. I've already found such great nuggets of wisdom and theology, though, that I wanted to start sharing them. So I'm going to post a quote from the book every day this week as a teaser. Starting with this one:

"Your mariage is part of a larger story, too, a story as romantic as any that has ever stirred your heart, and at least as dangerous. The sooner you come to terms with this, the sooner you can understand what is happening in your marriage.

We cheer on the hero and the heroine because we can see what is at stake--the kingdom hangs upon their success. Yet we haven't anything close to this sort of clarity in our own marriages; we would be hard-pressed to name one thing that hangs in the balance, apart from our sanity and Grandmother's silver....

God is a great lover, and he created marriage to play out on this earth a daily, living, breathing portrait of the intimacy he longs for with his people. Gulp. This is why it has such a central role. It is a kind of incarnation, a passion play about the love and union between Jesus and his beloved.

Which might help you appreciate why the fury of hell has been unleashed against it. God is telling a love story and the setting is war."

Gives me goosebumps every time I think that God would choose me to be part of something larger. Stay tuned for more great pearls from Love & War.

Delayed obedience is disobedience

I don't know how many times a day I have to tell A, "Obey right away, all the way, with a happy heart." (Quote from Ginger Plowman's Don't Make Me Count to Three) Boy, I am the biggest hypocrite. See there's been this little heart issue that God made me aware of, oh, I don't know, maybe a few weeks ago, give or take a YEAR! Seriously, I have been delaying my own obedience for over a year now. Why does God put up with kind of disrespect?!

Scary thing is that I don't know for sure, but He might not have been tolerating it. Years ago, I did something very similar. That time it was very intentional, though. I didn't want to deal with the hurt in my heart and I wasn't going to. Remind you of anyone we know? (Hint: she wouldn't eat her pears.) We had been back in the states for about six months and J was doing everything he could to get hired on at the company he was consulting for. But the door was closed and beyond the door was a brick wall. Every time it seemed to crack open, it got slammed closed again. We were very frustrated. One Sunday, I told J to go on to church without me, that God and I had business to tend to at home. I was weary of carrying the bitterness and God loved me too much to let me. We had a good talk and forgiveness was so sweet. J got his job offer the next day.

Sure, maybe it was a coincidence. But I beg to differ. I believe my disobedience had affected my family's growth. We weren't going anywhere until I obeyed. I had completely forgotten about this until God brought it to my mind recently. I shuddered. I knew I was living in disobedience to a faithful God and what if my disobedience was stunting my family's growth again? I don't know. But I know I obeyed. That little thing that I thought wasn't bothering anybody else has been dealt with, done, forgiven, over, close the book on that one. Please, Lord Jesus, don't let it have been hurting anyone else.

Twelve Years

J and I had the immense blessing of being able to get away by ourselves for 24 hours to celebrate our twelfth wedding anniversary this past weekend.  While away, we reminisced about what we were doing to prepare for the wedding.  I'm sure I was vascilliating between giggling and crying with my closest friends as they helped me get dressed and direct the show from a back room.  He confided that two of his groomsmen were trying to convince him to drive to Mexico before it was too late, one was asking if he could ask me out if J did drive to Mexico, and one ever-present voice of reason in that motley group was telling them to leave him alone.  He assured me that he was never tempted to run, and I'm so glad he chose to stay. 

God is so wise, so compassionate, so merciful, tender and loving.  He demonstrated His character to me when He chose my husband and brought us together.  J brings out the best in me, makes me rise up to meet my potential.  He also knows me so well that he can provide rest for me before I even know I need it.  He challenges me to grow more like Christ and won't let me cling to the weaknesses of my flesh, no matter how proud I am of them.  He loves to give me good gifts and will give up his own desires to accommodate mine.  It thrills me to know that our marriage is not done growing.  We've grown into each other so well and God has been so good to us.  I love getting to know you, J, and I look forward to what God has in store for the years to come.